


What Matters Most Is to Matter

by InErosion



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Abuse, F/F, Fingering, Hair-pulling, It's not a fun time but there's sex!!!, Jealous Adora (She-Ra), Modern AU, NO physical abuse, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, also this is upsetting lol, and yes the sex is consensual, emotionally shut down Catra, toxic, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-14 20:08:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28801092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InErosion/pseuds/InErosion
Summary: "I need you, okay? That's why I'm here. I want you back."Catra never thought she'd hear those words spoken so boldly. Now they're here, she doesn't know what to do with them. "... What'd you expect?""Rain, maybe. You'd meet me at the door. I'd…" Adora momentarily trails off, then pulls out the engagement ring. Her eyes are pleading. Her voice sounds like it's about to break entirely. "I'd propose. You'd say yes... and we'd go home. Please, Catra."_______Catra and Adora broke up. Adora wants her back. They spend the night together, but as Catra discovers, maybe they aren't so good for each other after all.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 70
Kudos: 154





	What Matters Most Is to Matter

"Who is she to you?"

This isn't right, Adora showing up like this. Like that, all dressed up with roses in hand. It sends a practically violent throb through Catra's chest. She's already trying not to cry. 

She can't even begin to pretend it was easy ignoring Adora's dozens of calls. In fact, the last few days have felt like the hardest thing in the world. But Catra isn't stupid, and roundabout conversations like this one have thus far only been lessons in exhaustion and hurt. 

"Stop. You don't get to do that, Adora." 

Adora blinks. "What?"

"Besides the fact she's just a friend, you don't get to be jealous. You don't get to have that, okay? We aren't together."

"I'm sorry. You're right. I don't. It just- it hurts, Catra. This… It shouldn't even be happening." 

Yeah, what's happening. Catra doesn't want to look at what's happening. She's already guilty enough about shutting down, guilty enough to start shifting her weight back and forth. 

"I get that," she sighs, "but you asked for the ring back."

"You yelled."

"... I know."

"I need you, okay? That's why I'm here. I want you back."

Catra never thought she'd hear those words spoken so boldly. Now they're here, she doesn't know what to do with them. "... What'd you expect?"

"Rain, maybe. You'd meet me at the door. I'd…" Adora momentarily trails off, then pulls out the engagement ring. Her eyes are pleading. Her voice sounds like it's about to break entirely. "I'd propose. You'd say yes... and we'd go home. Please, Catra."

_Shit._

Every fiber of Catra's being wants to say yes. Catra needs to say yes. Catra has been wishing for this moment to arrive with all her heart and- 

And she doesn't see how it can happen. She isn't the young naive girl who went running to Adora for everything, not anymore. They haven't worked through anything. Catra can't, and every time she tries, Adora doesn't hear what she's saying. She's too busy with this or that to understand. 

"I want to forget about this." She offers up the ring a little higher when Catra doesn't respond. 

"I can't."

Adora takes another step forward. "... Okay, maybe I said that wrong. I want to move on from it. I'm not giving up on you." 

Catra doesn't like how Adora makes her hurt. She doesn't like how Adora makes it sound like it's about Catra. She doesn't like how Adora gets closer, tears in her eyes and fuck, how all Adora wants is to understand. She approaches so carefully. 

Soon, Adora is kissing her. It's soft at first, but then Catra kisses back. She's given in. The roses Adora are holding fall to the ground - and almost immediately fated to be trampled under their feet. Who knows where the ring is. Before Catra knows what she's really doing, she's trying to pin Adora up against the wall, but Adora pushes back even harder. To the couch. It's always been their battle. A whirlwind of tearing clothes off each other's bodies. It's messy, and within thirty seconds, Catra is on her back. 

Adora on top. Like always. Laying what feels like hundreds of kisses down on Catra's collarbone. Her hands skate down over Catra's stomach and thighs, leaving each region burning.

"Tell me what I can do for you?" she asks, tone dark and filled with the utmost reverence.

She has total control of Catra. The ache in Catra's heart needs Adora too, so she pushes on the crown of Adora's head. She only needs to once before her wish is granted.

Catra aches for this to be something close to normal as she holds tight to Adora's hair. Relaxing into the couch cushions is made hard by the doubts circling in her mind. _This probably isn't the right way to do this-_

Her thought is cut off by a jolt of pleasure. Adora is there, tongue and breath washing over her with heat that has Catra's world spinning. Except Adora. Adora's looking up from between her thighs, eyes shining with the reverence her voice held mere moments ago. 

Catra instinctively strengthens her grip, pulling both a wince and gasp out from Adora's gorgeous lips. _Perfect,_ so she holds even tighter. 

"Work," she hisses.

Adora obeys. 

Catra throws her head back into the cushions, biting down on her free hand in a failed attempt to suppress her most desperate moans. She has no control over how her hips stutter. How she grinds against Adora's face. 

She mumbles the praises she knows Adora wants to hear. Whenever Adora slows her place for too long, Catra resecures her grip on Adora's hair and tugs her forward, urging her to return with force - which she does, again and again. Until Catra is overwhelmed with blazing shocks of pleasure that she can hardly withstand. Until Catra's legs are shaking so badly that Adora has to hold them still. 

She's never failed to take care of Catra. It's always been like this. Once Catra's caught her breath, it's a pleasant reminder to know she can still take care of Adora just as well. She calls her up, grabbing her by the ponytail and dragging her because _of course_ Adora playfully resists. She just has to insist on making this all about Catra. 

It's so unfair.

Especially when Adora always has looked good riding Catra's fingers. Rocking back and forth on them, slipping them out and taking them into her mouth with a moan. Yes, she always has looked so perfect like that. Like she is now, eyes half-lidded and wanting. It's a cycle, because soon, Catra is inside again. 

For a brief moment, Adora pants while grinding herself against Catra's palm. Catra watches Adora do the work. She's almost lazy about it, but soon her fingers are curling and thrusting and fucking Adora in that way that forces her to slump over and hold to Catra for dear life. 

Catra pumps with as much speed and power as she can from her angle, relishing how slick and perfect Adora is. She wants Adora to collapse on top of her, to give in entirely. To beg for more until she's hoarse. Soon enough, she is sobbing against Catra's skin. When it's clear that it's close, she can't control her hips any better than Catra can.

She does give in.

She does beg.

Just like Catra wants.

And so, Catra rakes her free hand across Adora's back in swift sweeping motion. It's a last nudge. It's permission. 

Adora lets out a resounding cry, her muscles giving way. She puts almost all of her weight onto Catra as she finishes, and when she finally relaxes, almost turns into all. It's a wonderful feeling, if Catra is being honest. She wraps both arms around Adora not only in an effort to soothe, but also as a silent plea for Adora to stay. 

But she doesn't. 

The gesture doesn't last long. 

It never does. The moment Adora isn't trembling, she's pushing off the couch with her powerful arms. She has that expression again. Seductive, yes. Caring too, yet wholly insatiable. She descends down, wiping her own slick on Catra's leg back until she's settled back between Catra's thighs. 

It's always been a competition, and so it's hardly a surprise. It's not a real change in pattern. 

The change is the length. 

Because for as long as Catra can take, as long as Catra can want and beg, Adora does not stop. She continues until both Catra's body and mind are totally broken. She's never gone so long before.

Catra can hardly speak. 

Then, it's the kisses. Everywhere. Adora seems to have no intention of stopping those either. As if she's proving she knows Catra more than anyone else could. 

Eventually, Catra regains enough strength to pull Adora back down on top of her, lazily wrapping arms around her body once more. She breathes in the sweet scent. Adora stays put this time, but still insists on laying light kisses on Catra's throat. She pauses only to whisper the softest of reassurances and most affectionate words. 

"I love you, Catra." 

Sleep is not a question. It's not a decision either, but merely a reality. 

Everything is easy again. 

The world is easy again. 

Comfortable. 

Safe.

Except when Catra wakes, the world is different. They're in the comfort of the bedroom. On the bed. Adora must have carried her while she was asleep. 

She knows Adora is waiting for words. Movement. But she's not going to give it to her, even when it's obvious she's awake. The crushing realization of what they just did is already haunting Catra. She rolls over, hating herself. 

At first, Adora doesn't give in either. She merely traces hypnotic circles into Catra's back.

Eventually though, and when Catra continues to refuse, she breaks. "When are you going to let me in?"

"... Someday. Maybe." Even now, Catra dearly wants it to be true. 

"Can it be today?"

"I don't think so." 

"Why not?"

_Because Adora can't hear it. Not after that._

"It's… something you wouldn't understand," Catra says. She's tired of saying it. She is. 

"We could stop fighting." Adora kisses her shoulder. "You could let it go, whatever it is." Then, she brushes hair away to whisper against the back of Catra's neck. "We could go home. Today. Why not come with me?"

"Adora…"

"I'm worried about you." Warm breath. Catra shudders. "Whatever you're up to, I feel like it's not right." 

"You don't get to decide for me. I do." 

Adora doesn't speak for a few moments. When she does, Catra wishes she hadn't. "Ever since you mentioned her… things went downhill. It feels like all this happened because of it."

More dread pools in Catra's stomach. "I already told you it isn't her."

And that's true. 

She really is just a friend.

It isn't her. 

It's Catra...

"I don't know if I can trust you if you don't let me in." Adora whispers.

And right now?

It's _Adora._

"... Excuse you?" Catra lifts her head, still not quite believing what she just heard. Sure, Adora makes everything about care, but... "Trust me? Are you even listening to me?"

"Yes, but it feels like you aren't telling the truth," Adora replies simply. 

It sounds like she doesn't understand what's so wrong with that statement. So Catra rolls back over, just to see how Adora is looking at her. Adora is already dressed, though her hair is down. Definitely for sleeping. She's watching Catra with what Catra usually clocks as concern. "You're seriously going to get all jealous and overprotective?"

"I'm not? I'm just-"

Catra narrows her eyes. "If you're not, then why'd you spend so long fucking me?"

"Because I want you to know how much I love you." Adora leans in to kiss Catra's lips.

Catra doesn't object, she just waits for it to end. She knows this screw up is over. It was a mistake. That's clearer than ever. When Adora pulls away, she's wearing a faint, hopeful yet pained smile. 

_What the fuck._

"You've got a fucked up idea about love." Catra shakes her head. It hurts to say it, because Adora does love her. Because Adora's face instantly falls. It just doesn't feel like… this is coming from there. It feels like it's coming from all the wrong places. Catra didn't even know it was possible for her to act this way.

Her head is swimming. 

"You don't really mean that," Adora murmurs. "We should talk about us." 

"No." Catra sits up. "I'm done talking. You keep focusing on all the wrong stuff and you never listen. This was a mistake, so you need to leave."

"I'm trying to open up to you."

"You missed your shot." Catra reaches for her phone. "I'm calling _her,_ so get out."

She knows it'll hurt Adora, but she doesn't know just how much. 

Immediately, Adora is up, glaring down at Catra with something akin to hatred. No… not quite. Adora doesn't hate. It's an uncontrolled hurt and betrayal. Although, Catra didn't know Adora could put that face on. It's almost scary, and fear makes Catra angry.

She's dialing solely out of that anger. 

"Hey, Sparkles," she says the moment Glimmer picks up, "you can come on over."

It's early, but it's obvious Glimmer already knows. _"Catra… What happened with you two?"_

"Nothing," Catra stares unwaveringly into Adora's eyes. "I just want to see you. We've got things to talk about. So, yes or no?"

_"Ugh, fine! But don't be naked when I get there."_

And if Adora's so intent on being an obsessed, jealous bitch...

"I won't be naked unless you want me to be."

_"Honestly, what the hell is wrong with you?"_

"See you soon." Catra grins in that way she knows will travel even through the phone. 

Click. Phone down. Adora is still staring straight back, her face almost twitching. 

"She has a nickname," she growls. 

"Don't we all, princess?" 

"Why are you doing this?"

"You left," Catra shrugs. It's a mistake. It feels like she can't breathe when she moves. Why is she even doing this…? "Deal with the consequences." 

"You didn't need to move on so fast." 

"I thought you said you didn't have a say?"

Adora starts pulling her hair into her signature ponytail. It's furious. She opens her mouth to speak several times, gaze burning into Catra with terrifying force.

Then, when her hair is up and her mind working again, "well, I should!!! I care about you! You have no idea the kinds of things I do for you!"

"Oh, do you want thanks for being my personal sacrificial lamb?" Catra all but cackles. "What bullshit. I didn't know you could be so selfish."

"I'm not selfish! I love you!!!"

_Then what the fuck was all that?_

Adora can't seriously keep saying that and expect it to work like magic. Life isn't like that. The thought sends Catra into a blind fury of her own. Adora might not be able to feel hatred, but Catra can. She does - and she feels her lips curl. 

"Wow, let me guess, like no one else can?" 

The words are a knife. 

Any chance of conversation is over. 

She can't tell whether Adora wants to scream _'yes! Of course!'_ or, _'fuck no! How could you!?'_

Not knowing makes it worse. 

"I can't believe you." It's muttered, and Adora stalks to the door. She shoots Catra one last glare, then leaves. 

Like she was never there. 

Catra feels her heart begin to ache again. She falls back onto the bed. Fuck. "Yeah, me neither…"


End file.
